I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
