DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
