you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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