The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
