Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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