I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
