why didn't you poke me back
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
