i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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