Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
