My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize