Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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