the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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