shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
