Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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