so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
