Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
