I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize