Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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