Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
