I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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