Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
