How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
