All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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