Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
