Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
