"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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