Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
