Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
