grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
