Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
