i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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