I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
