Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
