so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
