Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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