whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
