I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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