Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
