My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
