YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
