her vagine was all disorganized.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
