I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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