i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
