Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize