You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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