The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
