we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
