So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
