she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
