you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
