Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
