I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize