My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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