just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
