How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
