I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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