Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize