Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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