Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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