Me too!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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