Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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