True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
