Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
