My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My liver just had a heart attack.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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