I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
