I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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