we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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