i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
