Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
