Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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