dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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