i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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