make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
