So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
