You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
