were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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