Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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