So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
