he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
3 2 1 whiskey
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
