you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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