I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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