it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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