u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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