I am midnight drunk by noon
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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