Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
