Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
