just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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