I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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