so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
