Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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