You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
