I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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