Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
