if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
