I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
