Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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