but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
