the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize