You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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