Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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