i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
