Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
