hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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