She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
