Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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