You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
