I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
