and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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