Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
