There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
